"Where is Mary?"

On Christmas Eve, we decided to go to the early family service at a new church down town that I've been trying. The service was basically an interactive replay of Jesus' birth. Ellie was very interested, so her and I went to sit in the front so she could have a good seat.

About half way through the service, she started asking me where Mary was. I pointed to the girl playing her in the skit repeatedly. After about the 3 or 4th time, she was really annoyed and said "mommy, I mean the REAL Mary. Where is she?!"

My response, in the middle of church service, "Honey, Mary's in Heaven."

She just looked at me very shockingly. So I repeated, "Mary's in Heaven with God and Vonita."

Ellie asks, "Why?"

Me, "well, Mary lived a long time ago and then she died."

Ellie started crying. She was very upset and told me she wanted to go home right now.

I did my best to console her and we made it through the service. But she continued to ask about Mary (and still does on a regular basis.) Through follow up conversations and questions I realized that she was very distraut at the thought of Jesus living without his Mommy. Since I have told her Jesus is alive and with her, it's really sad his Mommy isn't with him to a 3 year old - especially my 3 year old!

Ellie's just too cute and sensitive. I love her mind and the questions she asks. Three is a wonderful age. Well, honestly, I have enjoyed them all.

I am starting a blog to attempt to write down stories of the kids childhood that can later be captured somehow. Typing is my speed and strength, and since I don't have the time I would like to donate to these most important things, I do hope that if I can at least type them out, one day, they will be there for us all to enjoy!

Cuddles from Max

Max sleeps with us right now - cuddled right up next to me and my pillows. It is one of the sweatest pleasures I have known. Although I hate when he wakes me - becuase I hate beins so tired in the morning - when I look him in those little eyes and we moth smile good morning, nothing beats it! He likes to fall asleep moving my fingers around or touching my face. These little hands are just so cute - all 10 fingers are small and busy and soft and smooth as he explores while falling asleep. He is wonderful! Max is my wonderful wonderful gift from God! I don't ever want to let him return to his crib becuase I will miss him too much!

Max's milestones

Since I'm at the computer all the time and not the baby book, I'm going to try to just track key milestones for Max, so I at least have a few reference dates.

first smile was around 1.5 months - don't have that exact date, but he does have a smile that warms my heart!

at 2.5 months, Max started sleeping through the night - while laying beside me and having his pacifier replaced regularly, but no feedings until 6am!

March 5th 2011 - just under 8 months - I found his first teeth- bottom fronts

Around this same time - about 8 months on the dot - Max started crawling too. He lost about 2 weeks where Mommy didn't really let him crawl when we were traveling around, but when we returned, he surely made up for lost time quickly.

April 2 2011 - just after we returned from our trip to the UK - just under 9 months - Max pulled himself up for the first time. He did it on a rocking chair, so I knew he was going to be getting around fast

May 1st - Max got his second set of teeth - the two front top ones

May 6th has several firsts - first official haircut, first pair of real shoes and first ride on the carousel with his big sister (not really impressed with any of them I might add).

May 14, 2011 - This evening I watched Max stand on his own little two feet for quite a few seconds without holding on to this. I swear I think my heart skipped a beat watching it. He was so proud of himself and I was even prouder! He's so adorable!

May 16th - I swear Max said Hi Lady Grey tonight! it came out a bit like Hi Gay... but he said it a few times! He loves the cats and dogs!

May 22nd - Tonight it became clear Max can make his first animal sound. The winner is - a dog! "Woof Woof" He loves dogs and anytime he sees them, he makes the sound!

Jun 11th - While I was putting Ellie down for a sleep, David saw Max take his first step. Apparently there was only one. I tried to have him repeat it for me, he just kept blindly falling into my arms with faith I would catch him. Why would he need to walk if Mommy's there? :-) I love my little Maxers!

July 10th - Max's 8th tooth has popped through - it's on the bottom left.

July 16th - Over the past couple weeks Max has been perfecting his walk. Over the past week, he's finally started to prefer walking to crawling, at least as a start. He still keeps trying to go straight to running, so he ends up on his knees alot too. The transformation is really visible over the past couple days. He's really turning into a little todler. Today he climbed the jungle gym in the neighborhood for the first time with minimal help.

August 24th 2011 - Today Max put together two words for the first time. It was repeating them as I said them, but still, he did it! THe words were "Bye, Pop." Referring to the act of putting the lollipop away after Ellie had eaten enough of it for the night.
Sept 25th 2011 - Today was Max's first day without a Pacifier. It was a very hard day for him. He is now asleep for the night - or so I hope. I can only imagine how many times I'll be up tonight. It's been a hard day. I feel bad for him, but I know it's the right thing. Good luck little man - you can do it!

Returning to work post Max

Tomorrow I must start back to work and leave Ellie and Max at home. I do NOT want to go. I'm lucky and thankful to have Hazel here to look after them at home and make things easier for both me and the kids. I am trying to be strong, but I feel a bit detached to survive it all! It's quite sad! I wonder if we've set the wrong priorities in life by my return to work to live in this house and live the lifestyle we enjoy?

Max's Birthday

Dearest Max,

Looking back on your birthday nearly a year ago it seems so long ago, but perhaps that is a sign of the weak memory you Mamma has.

Daddy and Mommy left for Frederick Memorial Hospital early. We were supposed to check in at 5:30 am. Gramma was meeting us there, but actually beat us there. Daddy took a few photos and videos of the morning. I was so excited to meet you. I was looking forward to it all and knowing a bit more what to expect with you compared to your sister Ellie.

This is the look Mommy has before surgery apparently. If you look at photos from the day Ellie was born, you will recognize the look!

Paperwork is the easy part!

After checkin they insisted I must be wheeled back to the maternity ward in a wheelchair. Mommy's thought was, I made it through 9 months, I can surely do the last 5 minutes walking, but they insisted!

We were quickly settled into a room and they started to hook Mommy up. We were scheduled for the first available OR at 7:30am. I wasn't exactly keen on the morning hours, but figured, I would take what they were giving. It all happened very quickly. I have some vague memories of walking into the OR and having to say bye to your Daddy. He was able to come in right before you were born, but I wanted him there while they settled me in with the anethesia. I had a few tears and Gramma took a few photos, and then the strong nurse held my hand and walked me into the OR. This is the most nerve racking part for Mommy, but it's worth it in the end.

We will skip through the gory details and Mommy's little trauma's and say we had a safe delivery. You were a big healthy boy and I was excited to hear you make your first noises. I laid on the table while they told me about you. Finally after a few minutes they let Daddy bring you over to snuggle me - face to face I got to meet you! You were crying and I wanted to hold and cuddle you and tell you everything was okay. I think you were a little unnerved about leaving mommy's tummy so abruptly. You and I talked while Daddy held you. I kissed you about as many times as I possibly could!

The anethesiologies took a few photos for us:

Max, I was so happy to finally meet you. I couldn't stop touching you and I sure didn't want to ever leave your side!

The mean Frederick hospital policy dictated, much to my protest, that you went with Daddy into the nursery for your first bath and I wasn't allowed to see you until later. That was the absolute longest hour or two of the day for me.

I was so happy when I finally got you back! At 9:19am on your birthday I finally got to hold my Baby Boy whom I had dreamed about since I could remember in my own arms! I love you so much Max!

You were such a good boy. When I held you, you were perfect. The doctors kept wanting to take you away for shots, observation, etc. I just wanted to keep my baby in my arms forever. You and I had been together for 10 months nearly and they weren't getting you away from me easy.

We spend most of the time in the hospital together. I kept you in bed with me most of the time - much to the dismay of Gramma and some of the nurses. You were my baby and I was going to keep you with me.

The morning was quiet and we prepared for your sister to join us after her nap. We decided to name you Max; Mommy really wanted this name becuase it has a strong meaning and I think it's a great manly name. Daddy agreed it was a good strong name too and that you looked like a little Max!

We were ready to introduce Max to his big sister Ellie! Ellie was so excited to meet you:

We then had our first family photo while Ellie visited. Perhaps we aren't all looking our finest, but it sure was a fine moment for Mommy and Daddy!

The first night went pretty well. We found our way. You were awake a lot at night and liked to sleep in the morning from about 6- 12 noon. It took mommy nearly a month to break you of this sleep cycle. That's okay, we made it through!

I enjoyed holding you and trying to teach you to nurse. We relaxed and settled in. Daddy stayed with us to help us becuase Mommy couldn't walk until the next day. It was a buys night with nurses in and out, but I was so happy to finally have my baby boy Max in my arms. Max, you are the dream I always had and meeting you was one of the best days of my life! I love you with all my heart and sole!

Happy almost first birthday big boy! I look forward to decades of fun life filled with love and watching you make your dreams come true! Mommy and Daddy will be here to help you whenever you need us. You are our baby boy now and forever!

Baby #2 Big sonogram

Tomorrow is another big day in my life. Tomorrow I have the 20 week sonogram for baby #2! I'm so excited to find out if I'm having a boy or a girl! I honestly will be excited no matter if it's a boy or a girl. My only prayers are for health! This pregnancy is going okay. I have paint, but it's work it. I lvoe my babies!