Reflections as we move from Old Log Ct.

This evening I finally tackled the corner cabinet in the kitchen that has held baby bottles and pacifiers for 8 years now. I knew I needed to throw them away instead of move them. I’ve thrown loads of stuff away as we moved, old clothes, old toys, art work, knick-knacks, etc. However, throwing away the baby bottles is what made me actually shed a tear. This move is the end of the baby error. We are moving into our big, grown up house with our complete family of 5. I’m so thankful for Ellie, Max and Clair. They are everything.

As we build up to this move, I’ve been completely stressed out because of the inability to plan and control this. The builder is delayed and that has royally messed things ups. That said, I also haven’t been able to control my reaction to this situation; I’ve been a mess. I am sorry to my family for this.

Today I was determined that in the midst of this chaos, I would do something fun with the kids to help remind them (and me) I’m their Mom who loves them and likes playing with them. I think we accomplished this. The kids and I tried out the local trampoline park this morning after a treat at Starbucks. It was a nice time. I jumped with them. Ellie did lots of flipping. Clair and Max bounced around. It was a grand morning.

We briefly returned to packing in the afternoon. During this time I asked Ellie to clean out here art cabinet. She was moving so slow, examining each treasure she found. I kept trying to rush her forward, without much success I will say. I could tell it saddened her. I wanted to be able to give her all the time in the world; and I just don’t feel like I can. We talked about this a little. I asked her if I was mean. She just looked at me. I told her she could be honest. She said, “Sometimes.” I tried to explain why I rush through everything. The reason I gave was because Mommy is always trying to get a lot of stuff done because I’m a Mommy and I have to work. As I said it, I realized how silly and unreasonable it must sound to an 8 year old, and Ellie is a smart and patient 8 year old. I worry about the precedence I’m setting for my kids. I want them to live a life that isn’t as rushed as mine.  I am worried I will never slow down until I have too, and that my kids will reflect and do the same. I pray they choose a more relaxing path. But then again, perhaps the rush could just go away and I could just get less accomplished. I need to find that balance because in all honesty, I need more mornings playing with my kids. I don’t do it enough.

After packing we did visit some friends for an evening of swimming and relaxing. Everyone had a great time and I am so grateful for that opportunity and to be pulled as a family from the work and the crazy that is at home with boxes everyone.

So, back to moving….

I have such mixed emotions about moving. This house has so many memories for me. It is where I brought two of my three children home from the hospital. It is where they all learned to walk. It is where we have had late nights, many Christmases, visits from Granmpa Bob, where Vonita and Stanley and Grandma and Grandpa were able to come to some of their first birthday parties. This house is where they have started school, road their bikes on the same paths that I did, made friends with people I’ve known for 25 plus years, and so many more little things. Not to mention, this house was a home to me as a teenager in the midst of all the crazy I felt. There was a corner in the bathroom that had not only my kids’ heights as they age, but also Robert, Gino and Mikey’s. I am saddened to leave all this behind. Yet, in the midst of it all, I am trying to remember why I started this journey of looking at housing and thinking about moving – allergies, out of the woods, less projects, be near town, my office, David’s space, etc. Right now it all feels crazy. But as we embark on this train that started rolling many months ago, I pray for God to guide me as a Mom and our family. I pray that this choice we are making is the right journey.

Max says he’s excited.

Ellie is excited, but doesn’t want to leave the fish.

Clair doesn’t want a new house, doesn’t want to leave the fish, and no longer wants to sleep in her bed. This is hard for her.

I think it’s hard for everyone, and yet we will press on. To new adventures down the street! I can only imagine if we were moving far away. I’d probably need some medication J