Ellie is turning 9

My oldest baby is 9 years old on Monday. Where has the time gone. She's grown into such a smart, intelligent, thoughtful, creative young lady. She loves her family and me so very much. She is a great student. She is a good friend. She has talents at art and at sports. She is a good helper and truly loves her siblings. I'm so proud of her and I love watching her mature.

Tonight she has 2 of her best friends sleeping over. This is the first time I've hosted a sleep over. They are doing well and I hope that she's truly enjoying herself. I think she is.

My big girl!

I wish I had a brother too

I love my three children to death. I feel like they don't get enough of my time shared between the 3 of them. I would have loved to have had more children, but I don't think my body could handle another, and I think my feeling of being overwhelmed would be too much.

Max loves his sisters dearly, he truly does. When he got home from Henry's tonight Clair was the first person he went to see, to hug, and asked how she was because he hadn't seen her in a while. He loves her. And, he wants a brother so badly. I reminded of this often.

Once he told me he wanted a baby brother and I told him that I couldn't have any more babies because I was too old. His response, "Not if I pray hard enough you are not done."

Tonight as he's going to sleep I mention something about loving him and his sisters with my whole heart and he quietly says, "I really wish you could give me a brother too." He says this dismissingly and looking away. I am saddened by this and my heart is warmed as well. He truly does mean this. Max doesn't have a selfish bone in his body. He loves people. He loves to be with people, to talk with people and just connect with people. He would be such a brother's brother!

Max and Henry

Max is loving living at the new house, mostly because of his friend Henry across the street whom he has a need to play with everyday. The sun rises and sets around getting time to play with Henry. It's cute mostly. Sometimes, it's a bit annoying as his sisters and family are second now to this new budding friendship. I know it's a healthy thing. We strive for balance. I'm happy for him with this new friendship. Henry's a great boy and I expect many great years of friendship to come from this!

I'm glad Max has his friend Henry.

Onward Christian Soldier Harry Russel Mayer

Tonight I lifted Clair into the bathtub and it hit me like a ton of bricks, I’ll never talk to my Grandpa again; I can’t go visit him anymore; He is gone.

Today was his funeral. For the months and even years since my Grandmother died, I know he hasn’t been all that happy here on earth. He told many people this over the past few months he wanted to “Go Home.”  The past couple weeks when I heard that he was nearing the end, I was never really able to feel what was happening, especially with everyone around and all the activities to keep me busy. I thought I had accepted this in a strange somewhat unemotional way, which is often how I process things.

At Grandpa’s funeral 7 people got up to share their stories about Grandpa with everyone. Reverend Larson ended up stopping the sharing time because it just kept going on, but then he, himself, gave a great testament to Grandpa’s service to the church and the community. I have never been to a funeral where so many people wanted to share, and share they did. It was really amazing to hear the stories and be reminded of the man that Grandpa was. He lived life to the fullest. My favorite line that Reverend Larson said many times was that Grandpa has so many friends because he was first a friend to so many. That is such a true statement. I love how this sharing was able to remind me of the man that my Grandpa was.

I was reminded of the pride he took in painting when Mom told the store of the day that he came home from work upset because his boss wanted him to start using a roller instead of doing everything with a paint brush. He was neat and tidy and took such pride in his work. This treat is so out the door these days.

I was reminded that he is part of a generation that has mostly left this earth, the WWII veterans. He jumped out of a plane with his company in Belgium and France to help free them from the Nazi’s. He survived such horrific time and saw such horrific things, but you would never know this by the grateful, fun loving, gentle, caring man that he was everyday of the rest of his life after that experience.

I was reminded that when I was a kid and would spend the night at his house, after my bath, he would always want to brush my hair for me while we watched TV. He told me that you must brush 100 strokes a day to keep golden beautiful hair and he would do all 100 of them if I let him.

I was reminded of the honorable policeman that he was and how the word ‘cop’ was not allowed in our house or his. Policeman are honorable. Then I found out that one of my Mom’s cousins became a policemen because grandpa inspired him. I had no idea. Steve said that Grandpa gave him two good pieces of advice, “Keep your eyes open and your mouth shut.” In twenty years of police service he was promoted many times and got accommodations a couple years. He was someone everyone respected. I know my Grandfather was an honorable man in everything he did.

I was reminded of the beautiful blessing that I have had being part of a family where two brothers married two sisters as Joan so eloquently states it. My family was so large because these two immediate families’ kept our extended family connected better than most for most of my childhood. My mom must have over 20 cousins and they are all wonderful. I’m embarrassed to admit that I can’t place faces and names with all of them, especially as I age. However, I recognize their faces, their kindness, the years of family picnics, softball games and good times. I am thankful for each one who was there today to support the family, to honor Grandpa, and to share their stories and friendly smiles.

I loved the stories my cousin Tim told about Grandpa. I hadn’t heard some of them before. Grandpa took care to give to each of us what we needed and help us along. Grandpa was a special mentor to Tim and I respect their bond tremendously.

I was reminded of how much my grandfather would sacrifice for anyone, and especially his family by the story of how he dropped out of school in 7^th grade so that he could take a job and provide for his family, with the special expectation that it meant that Uncle Stanley, his younger brother, could finish high school and get a full complete education. And they made this happen!

I was reminded of the Thanksgivings and Christmas celebrations at Grandma and Grandpa and Vonita and Stanley’s, of my cousins and the memories we shared. I’ve been horrible at keeping up with them, but I love them so much. I cherish these memories. They ring out like yesterday. I never felt more special as a child then when we went to one of these large celebrations. I thought every family sat down to holidays with 20-30 people for a nice big lovely home cooked meal. It wasn’t until High School when I realized not everyone was so lucky. What a blessing!

I was reminded of the importance of a servant’s heart. God wants us to serve one another and Grandpa took that to heart. Grandpa willingly always helped. I see where my Mom gets this from; I am not so good at this; and I greatly respect those who serve others so selflessly. There was always time to lend a hand; yet I’m not sure how he managed. His life was full, busy, filled, and lived!

Reverend Larson said that Grandpa poked holes in the darkness with light in the way that he gave back. This servant’s heart, this love of God, Country and Family, it’s passing by the wayside with our younger generations in many ways. I wish that wasn’t the case. I wish my kids could know him and my elders better. I wish I was a better story teller. Hazel, she’s the great story teller. That’s another lost art for the current generations who tell stories in 144 characters or less, but perhaps I am digressing….

I was a paul bearer today for my Grandfather’s coffin. I was happy to do whatever Mom wanted to help out. I was surprised that I wanted to tear up doing this. When we put him into the hearse, Clair came over very upset. She wanted to know why I put Great Grandpa in a box and sent him away with “Those Men.” She wanted to see him again before they pulled away. I tried to help her understand that was his earthy body and his sole was rejoicing in Heaven. She is too young to understand this. She is still worried for Great Grandpa and for herself. She NEVER wants to be put in a box. I finally told her she didn’t have to be.

My kids have seen a lot of death in their short lives. I hope that’s because they have been honored to know their great generation in ways that many haven’t. It is sad to know my kids will never know these amazing people whom I loved to spend time with growing up. I was always ready to jump at the chance to go home with Grandpa and spend the night with him and Grandma. I remember many dinners with them, ice cream by the fire before bed, playing games, watching TV, doing project, Saturday morning shopping trips to A and P, and so much more. I remember walks after dinner around the circle, where inevitably we would need to stop to chat with someone to say hello to Grandpa.  I remember my Grandma, as the young Grandma who was active, who played games, cooked, ran to the corner to “run home with me” when we left their house, who loved me so. I was reminded of the amazing garden they kept. It was honestly huge. No one will ever garden like they did. I am reminded of Grandma’s pickles which died with her disease. I will never taste them again. I am reminded that Grandpa fostered my earlies interest in photography, with his instant camera. Boy, I loved when he would let me take a picture with that camera! It was amazing!

If I can be half the person my Grandpa was, I’ll be doing okay. He was an amazing person. He blessed so many. It was evident by the attendance today and the people who visited him in his final days.

I am grateful for each sole who reminded me of his amazing sole, of his purpose, of God’s purpose, of what it means to serve, to love, and to live life God’s way! I will try to tell my children more stories about my childhood. I will try to write some down too. I am better at writing them then telling them.

I read Isaiah 61:1-3 today. I’ve never focused on this verse today. It was one Grandpa picked out. As I read it, I was reminded of a conversation with him a few years ago when both Grandma and Vonita were suffering their end of life from terrible diseases. I passed Grandpa in the hall of Fairhaven as I had run quickly to say hello to Grandma while Vonita and the ladies had Max, a two month old baby, at their apartment for some cuddles. I said something to Grandpa about how it just wasn’t fair seeing them both suffering like this. He grabbed my arms and shoulders strongly and stopped me and said, “God is Good Julie. Look at our family. We are blessed.” In that moment, I was so proud of him and his faith. I now take comfort in this verse in a new way and am glad to have had the chance to read it at his funeral service.

I didn’t get a chance to sit back and reflect today. Instead, I focused on the children not being loud or acting up. I focused on worrying about how Mom was doing. I focused on what others were doing. I didn’t have the chance to get upset and be emotional. I choose to celebrate. I loved the songs he choose, the music that was played, and the company that he kept. The closing hymn has been in my head all day and I want to live by it more – Onward Christian Soldiers!

I love my Grandpa very much. I love my Grandma very much. I will see them one day in Heaven and I will look forward to that. Until that day, I will know he is at peace. It was awesome to hear Reverend Larson say that he can’t always for certain say where someone has gone when they die, but he knows for sure that God welcomed Grandpa “Home” with open arms. Grandpa’s faith never wavered. Grandpa loved the Lord; Grandpa served the Lord; Grandpa loved his friends! Grandpa loved his family!

Ellie's birthday party plan

Ellie is growing up and starting to take control of things. I like seeing her grow.

Before her birthday, we talked a lot about her birthday and what she would like to achieve. After our talks, she shared with me her written plan. I was so proud to see this!

I needed to share this for my memories. I love to see her planning evolve! Proud Mamma Moment!