The Big Day is coming

On Saturday and Sunday mornings the kids often crawl into bed with us. Today as they were between laughing and screaming at each other, and I was stressed out, I reminded myself and David this would be our last family snuggle in bed as a family of four. I love our kids so much. And I'm a little worried about what expanding the family will do to all the family dynamics. I know in the end I will not be able to imagine life without our new little girl. And along the way I'm trying not to worry too much. But sometimes it is hard.

Having a new baby is always an opportunity to evaluate how I feel I'm doing as a parent. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing okay, but most the time I worry I'm missing out on something. These days I wonder have I been too rigid on the kids? I like things always a particular way. I have them on schedules, And they do not do well when they deviate from them. I'm a bit of a germ a phobe, and the kids have tight hand washing and shoe rules. I'm passing all these things onto the children, and worry I'm passing on the right things. Our children have many great qualities, they're good listeners, they are usually kindhearted, they're fairly good at playing with others, they're a little bit shy. Max has a great sense of humor. Ellie has great dancing and art skills. I pray the good outweighs the bad in the way that I'm parenting. Ellie's eyes are opening to the world. For 5 1/2 years I've been able to shield her from much of the world and give her the information I wanted to have. In less than four months she's off to public elementary school. The world will definitely change. I hope that she is ready. And I worry about that transition an awful lot.

Keeping them in a bubble is not the answer, I know. But sometimes it feels like it would be the easiest thing in the world. Although I am a city person at heart, once in a while I see the allure of a cabin in the woods on the self-sufficient farm just for our family. I know in the end that would drive me crazy and probably our kids too. But it's still something of a fantasy to think about once in a while.

It's time to finish packing the hospital bag. David gave me the morning to rest up as he is taking the kids to church. Thanks honey!