Clair really looks up to her sister and values spending time with her. Clair loves when Ellie lets her into her bedroom to play with either Ellie or Ellie's toys. Either mean it's a good day. Most of the time it's very joyous for them both, but every once in a while Clair tells me something Ellie has done that she didn't like. Ellie claims she wants to do it. I try to explain to Ellie Clair isn't her baby doll but a real person and she needs to respect her opinion.
A good example after half an hour of fun and games yesterday Clair comes into me to say that she couldn't get out of Ellie's room. Ellie was tickling her tummy with her hair and she didn't like it. Those silly girls.
Today, I find Clair sitting on the bathroom counter while Ellie is doing her hair. Clair wants her hair done but has decided she's done in this moment. They are a funny pair and I expect this is what sisters do. I hope that this bond continues to build even through the teen years when their age gap will feel so big to both of them, probably more Ellie.
Always be there for each other girls!
Sunday, July 16, 2017
Friday, July 14, 2017
To my children, I don't mean to be a part time Mom
Dear Ellie, Max and Clair,
Today we spent another day together where I tried to do my job as an employee and at the same time I tried to do my job as a Mommy. On these days, I fail at both. I hate failing. I prefer perfection. (You probably know this about me by the time you ever read this little set of memories.)
You guys deserved my all and I am sorry that I can not give it to you every day, every minute, all year long. I hope that when you grow and look back at your childhood that you never once question you are my world and even when I had to prioritize my job over what you wanted, I tried my best to still be the best Mom I could be.
Working is something I would give up if I could, but I can not while giving you all the things in life that I want to give you. Perhaps that is a bad choice; I will never know. But none the less, I wanted to be the best at both Mom and employee, because I do believe in always doing ones best. I hope that you will always do your best and forgive yourself when you fail to meet the standards you set for yourselves.
At times, I had to ask you each to leave my office and let me do my work. At times, I had to say No to something fun you asked me to do with you. At times, I had to ignore your giggles. At times, I had to write an email or have a phone call instead of talking to you or appreciating your latest artwork. At times, I didn't pay all the attention that I imagined that I would as a mother. I am sorry for this. I was not perfect. I do hope that you still know I love you, every day, always. I do hope that you know I love your giggles. I love your artwork. I love when you want to play with me. I love you more then my phone, my computer and my job. But I have to find a balance. Life is about balance. I hope that I am able to teach you about balance and model what a good balance could look like.
My job is stressful and sometimes you bare the brunt of the fact that all my patience were used up at work, being politically correct and solving tough problems. (This happens more then you sometimes.) I am sorry you didn't get all the patience you deserved. I am sorry that I wasn't able to be the perfect Mommy. And know this, I will love you the most, always, forever, even when you are grown.
During the last days of my life, I pray I can remember your cute little selves interrupting me at work, giggling, trying to use my exercise equipment, showing me your artwork, and coming in to see what I'm doing. You are my kiddos! You are my heart!
Today we spent another day together where I tried to do my job as an employee and at the same time I tried to do my job as a Mommy. On these days, I fail at both. I hate failing. I prefer perfection. (You probably know this about me by the time you ever read this little set of memories.)
You guys deserved my all and I am sorry that I can not give it to you every day, every minute, all year long. I hope that when you grow and look back at your childhood that you never once question you are my world and even when I had to prioritize my job over what you wanted, I tried my best to still be the best Mom I could be.
Working is something I would give up if I could, but I can not while giving you all the things in life that I want to give you. Perhaps that is a bad choice; I will never know. But none the less, I wanted to be the best at both Mom and employee, because I do believe in always doing ones best. I hope that you will always do your best and forgive yourself when you fail to meet the standards you set for yourselves.
At times, I had to ask you each to leave my office and let me do my work. At times, I had to say No to something fun you asked me to do with you. At times, I had to ignore your giggles. At times, I had to write an email or have a phone call instead of talking to you or appreciating your latest artwork. At times, I didn't pay all the attention that I imagined that I would as a mother. I am sorry for this. I was not perfect. I do hope that you still know I love you, every day, always. I do hope that you know I love your giggles. I love your artwork. I love when you want to play with me. I love you more then my phone, my computer and my job. But I have to find a balance. Life is about balance. I hope that I am able to teach you about balance and model what a good balance could look like.
My job is stressful and sometimes you bare the brunt of the fact that all my patience were used up at work, being politically correct and solving tough problems. (This happens more then you sometimes.) I am sorry you didn't get all the patience you deserved. I am sorry that I wasn't able to be the perfect Mommy. And know this, I will love you the most, always, forever, even when you are grown.
During the last days of my life, I pray I can remember your cute little selves interrupting me at work, giggling, trying to use my exercise equipment, showing me your artwork, and coming in to see what I'm doing. You are my kiddos! You are my heart!
Thursday, July 13, 2017
Time with Clair Bear
Clair is a talker. She loves to be with someone and truly enjoy their company. She likes to talk about anything and everything. She truly can say the most interesting things and carry a conversation better then many adults, including her Mamma.
Today we were on our way home from piano when Max and Ellie cheered that we had no plans this evening and would be at home. Clair on the other hand groans and declares she wants to "Go run errands with you Mommy."
I decided there were some things we could do and she cheered loudly. The plan was laid, the relaxing crew will stay home and chill - that's Ellie, David and Max, while Mommy and Clair will take on Walmart to get a birthday gift and some odds and ends. Everyone is pretty much thrilled with the division of labor around here.
We went shopping.
Once in the store Clair quickly went from shopping for a gift for her friend, to eyeing up many toys on the shelf for herself. I tried to keep her focused, but it was hard. We had some sad moments and some threats of losing desert. These were always followed with a deep look in the eyes from Clair, "I'm sorry Mommy." Followed then closely by, "Can I please have the new baby doll Mommy I really want it."
We managed to exit the toy eye and while picking up some essentials - Cheerios, Laundry soap, and cat food, Clair declares with a pout, "It's no fair, you get all this stuff and I can't have one doll."
I asked Clair, "What happens if Lady Grey doesn't have any food."
She looks at me seriously and thinks, then quietly replies (disappointed), " she will get sick?"
I say dramatically, "She will not only get sick, but she will die. What happens in Clair doesn't get a new doll?"
She again thinks, and sullenly responds, "Nothing."
I use this to explain what a priority is to Clair. We have the same discussion about Laundry soap, though no one dies (except perhaps a germaphobe like me).
As we move towards the register she is sullenly moving behind me. I try to pull her out of the way so a couple of ladies can pass us. I apologies and explain she is sulking because she can't have everything she wants and we are learning about priorities today. One of the ladies smiles and tells Clair we all struggle with that all the time and it's a hard lesson to learn.
As we go through the parking lot Clair asks again will we get our snow-cones, hoping i will accept her apologies for not pleasing me. I ask her if she has learned the lesson and remembers what really upset Mommy. She explains I was upset because she was asking for a doll for herself. I was impressed she got that take away and remind her that being a friend means bringing a gift to help someone celebrate their birthday. She says with those big eyes again, "I'm sorry Mommy. . . . (pause) . . . Can we get snow balls now please?"
And of course we go get snowballs.
While we wait for the snowballs I pick her up and hold her so we can watch them be made together. She snuggles her face smushed right up against mine and tells me how much she loves me. She wraps her little hands around my head and squeezes and holds me. She is so lovely. She shows love so openly and freely. I love this girl so much and the way she makes me see the world.
When we sit down to enjoy our snowballs I tell her that I used to come to this same place and get snowballs as a kid. She finds that funny. A few minutes later she asks me "Mommy, who do you love the most - Max, Ellie, Me or Daddy?"
I laughed and told her I loved everyone in my family with my whole heart and I could not pick someone i loved the best. She agrees that is an acceptable answer; I can love everyone the best! I decide to turn the question around on her to see the response, "Max..... Ellie ..... Daddy ..... and You! I love everyone the best in my family too!"
And so it goes as we chat through snow cones, with drips of sweet sugar juice requiring immediate attention in "catching" every so often. We enjoy the sunset and the summertime treat. I enjoy watching her. I marvel at how she is growing up, holding her own cup and not spilling it, smiling, and leading a lovely conversation all the time through. She is such an awesome little person. I can't believe she is my child! I want to call her mine, but she's not mine, she is the worlds! She is Clair Bear!
Today we were on our way home from piano when Max and Ellie cheered that we had no plans this evening and would be at home. Clair on the other hand groans and declares she wants to "Go run errands with you Mommy."
I decided there were some things we could do and she cheered loudly. The plan was laid, the relaxing crew will stay home and chill - that's Ellie, David and Max, while Mommy and Clair will take on Walmart to get a birthday gift and some odds and ends. Everyone is pretty much thrilled with the division of labor around here.
We went shopping.
Once in the store Clair quickly went from shopping for a gift for her friend, to eyeing up many toys on the shelf for herself. I tried to keep her focused, but it was hard. We had some sad moments and some threats of losing desert. These were always followed with a deep look in the eyes from Clair, "I'm sorry Mommy." Followed then closely by, "Can I please have the new baby doll Mommy I really want it."
We managed to exit the toy eye and while picking up some essentials - Cheerios, Laundry soap, and cat food, Clair declares with a pout, "It's no fair, you get all this stuff and I can't have one doll."
I asked Clair, "What happens if Lady Grey doesn't have any food."
She looks at me seriously and thinks, then quietly replies (disappointed), " she will get sick?"
I say dramatically, "She will not only get sick, but she will die. What happens in Clair doesn't get a new doll?"
She again thinks, and sullenly responds, "Nothing."
I use this to explain what a priority is to Clair. We have the same discussion about Laundry soap, though no one dies (except perhaps a germaphobe like me).
As we move towards the register she is sullenly moving behind me. I try to pull her out of the way so a couple of ladies can pass us. I apologies and explain she is sulking because she can't have everything she wants and we are learning about priorities today. One of the ladies smiles and tells Clair we all struggle with that all the time and it's a hard lesson to learn.
As we go through the parking lot Clair asks again will we get our snow-cones, hoping i will accept her apologies for not pleasing me. I ask her if she has learned the lesson and remembers what really upset Mommy. She explains I was upset because she was asking for a doll for herself. I was impressed she got that take away and remind her that being a friend means bringing a gift to help someone celebrate their birthday. She says with those big eyes again, "I'm sorry Mommy. . . . (pause) . . . Can we get snow balls now please?"
And of course we go get snowballs.
While we wait for the snowballs I pick her up and hold her so we can watch them be made together. She snuggles her face smushed right up against mine and tells me how much she loves me. She wraps her little hands around my head and squeezes and holds me. She is so lovely. She shows love so openly and freely. I love this girl so much and the way she makes me see the world.
When we sit down to enjoy our snowballs I tell her that I used to come to this same place and get snowballs as a kid. She finds that funny. A few minutes later she asks me "Mommy, who do you love the most - Max, Ellie, Me or Daddy?"
I laughed and told her I loved everyone in my family with my whole heart and I could not pick someone i loved the best. She agrees that is an acceptable answer; I can love everyone the best! I decide to turn the question around on her to see the response, "Max..... Ellie ..... Daddy ..... and You! I love everyone the best in my family too!"
And so it goes as we chat through snow cones, with drips of sweet sugar juice requiring immediate attention in "catching" every so often. We enjoy the sunset and the summertime treat. I enjoy watching her. I marvel at how she is growing up, holding her own cup and not spilling it, smiling, and leading a lovely conversation all the time through. She is such an awesome little person. I can't believe she is my child! I want to call her mine, but she's not mine, she is the worlds! She is Clair Bear!
Wednesday, July 12, 2017
Max gets glasses
I've known for a while that Max needed glasses. I've put this off because he is a young boy and glasses are a big responsibility. For several years the doctors agree to the watch and wait approach, but now, this summer, it's time to get him the glasses. He is excited. We picked out the glasses and waited a week for them to come in.
He kept asking when they would arrive. I on the other hand was not looking forward to him getting the glasses. I was not looking forward to the way they change my sweet boy's face. Glasses age a person and make a person look different to me.
When I got the call they were in I told Max they were in and we could go pick them up sometime. He asked if we could go that day. I asked him why he was so anxious to get them. His response was so innocent, sweet and pure, "Mommy, I know I can see better and I want to be able to do that. That's why I want my glasses."
Okay then, let's go get them. With that response, I couldn't delay. We took a family journey to get him his new specs! He was so excited. I loved watching him trying them on for the first time. The look in his eyes as he enjoys this new vision is really awesome. He started to have some fun with them as well. About a week later, he's now getting mostly adjusted. We have some organization with the glasses and he is happy with all the details in life he can now enjoy. I'm happy for him too!
Love my Maxers!
PS. Max is currently obsessed with these fidget spinners. He got 4 for his birthday; 3 are broken; this is a new one I bought him as a consolation. I wonder how long this phase will last? This too shall pass.... this too shall pass.
He kept asking when they would arrive. I on the other hand was not looking forward to him getting the glasses. I was not looking forward to the way they change my sweet boy's face. Glasses age a person and make a person look different to me.
When I got the call they were in I told Max they were in and we could go pick them up sometime. He asked if we could go that day. I asked him why he was so anxious to get them. His response was so innocent, sweet and pure, "Mommy, I know I can see better and I want to be able to do that. That's why I want my glasses."
Okay then, let's go get them. With that response, I couldn't delay. We took a family journey to get him his new specs! He was so excited. I loved watching him trying them on for the first time. The look in his eyes as he enjoys this new vision is really awesome. He started to have some fun with them as well. About a week later, he's now getting mostly adjusted. We have some organization with the glasses and he is happy with all the details in life he can now enjoy. I'm happy for him too!
Love my Maxers!
PS. Max is currently obsessed with these fidget spinners. He got 4 for his birthday; 3 are broken; this is a new one I bought him as a consolation. I wonder how long this phase will last? This too shall pass.... this too shall pass.
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