End of mommy milk

I've continued pumping until today. It hasn't been easy and it hasn't produced large amounts either. On top of that, Clair doesn't even like mommy milk as much as formula (thanks to the extra sugars). 

This morning I fed her the last bottle of mommy milk. It was mostly my milk and it was evident she could tell. She laid there and slowly drank the milk. She didn't gulp it down, but at least she didn't fight me. She just played and slowly took it down. There were smiles. She was pleasant. She is a big girl. She lays in my arms and arches her head back, looking around and admiring what her siblings are up to. She's a cutie!

I'm sad I couldn't make that her full source, but now that I'm only getting 3 ounces a day, I think I'm done. If I make it to bed I. The next hour, this will be the end of this phase in my life, and Clair's. I tried, the balance of time just isn't there. So I will retire the pump and try to be proud of making it to 6 1/2 months. I wish she would've nursed, but more importantly, she is happy, she loves her momma so clearly, she is healthy and strong! I love my baby girl!

Max loves to be silly

I hope max always finds joy in laughing and trying to make others laugh the way he does today. 

I wanted a serious smile photo of him last night to show his messy face. All I could at was a series of what he believed to be silly faces!

That's my boy. As soon as I put the camera away he immediately runs over and asks to admire his photos. 

The hardest thing for me about being a parent

I have always loved taking care of children. And I have always known I wanted my own children. The biggest surprise nearly six years later, even for a first born children whose used to decision making as a professional project manager, is having to make the right decisions for my children. 

I liked babysitting where the hardest decision might have been what to feed the kids, otherwise it was all fun and games. Knowing the decisions I make will shape the people my children are becoming is so stressful sometimes. I pray for guidance and good influences to learn and implement what is best more times then not. And I hope one day the kids look back on me and feel I did okay as a mom. That's my definition of success. 

Happy Halloween with our family of five

Tonight was the first Halloween as a full family. I look at these photos and imagine these beautiful little faces maturing over the years. It makes me smile. These are my favorite faces! I love them dearly, along with their cousins that join us each year as well. :)

The girls were busy and very independent. They had a blast. 

Max was a little skeptical of the dark. He grabbed aunt Katie's hand and didn't let to until we were back home. We called them the slow and steady. Aunt Katie held his had and they walked, trailing behind the girls, to every house. Max couldn't wait to get home and eat the first piece of candy he had received- a large red totsie pop! He was a happy boy. 

Clair wore Vonita's little leopard costume. She wore it well! She peacefully walked with Mommy in the baby ergo! She had a little nap as we walked around in the rainy warm night. 

A great time had by all. 

 

If I could bottle a memory to replay over and over again, especially when I'm older and life slows down...

It would have to be the still and peaceful feeling of rocking Clair after she has finished her bottle and she is zonked out on my shoulder. Her little body is nestled totally into mine, as they meld together like a perfect picture. I listen to her steady breath as she snuggles close to my ear. I rest my check on her warm little soft cheek and I just take a deep breath! It is amazing. It is the best part of life. It is the ability to comfort my child and make her completely happy. It is a feeling and a blessing we have for such a short time in our lives. I pray to always remember this feeling, this experience, this love and this contentment. My daughter’s smell after a bath and a bottle – a mix of clean and fed – a little soar, just slightly from the milk still on her lips or cheek – but wonderful.

I need to spend more time just being with my children. They are such wonderful gifts from God!

I love you Ellie, Max and Clair.

Ellie's first field trip

I was lucky enough to be able to chaperone Ellie's first field trip. It was to Gavers pumpkin farm. I had a small group, just Ellie and Lilly. It was a fun filled and chilly fall day. The girls had a blast! 

When the buses arrived, the kids were so excited to see their parents, Ellie too. She ran over to me holding Lilly's hand. They were "partners" per the teacher. Poor Lilly looks up and says, "I don't have a mommy here today with big eyes. ". I told her that's okay because you're with me today. She smiled. She is a sweet girl. 

We first road our to the fields and got pumpkins. The girls were quick to find pumpkins. All the kids were full of energy. It was so cute. After pumpkins we had a few hours to play. And play they did. We caught up with Ellie's best friends Ashley and Leah. Apparently they are nicknamed the three musketeers. 

We had a great day, up until it was time for the kids to go back to school and me to leave. Ellie teared up and the tears were quick to come. I felt so was for her and tried to be extra positive for her and tell her I'd see her real soon. It sort of worked, but not really. As I waved to her on the bus, the tears came again. It broke my heart. But I smiled and told her I loved her and walked away. She was fine. I love that little sensitive girl. 

My baby is six months old today

In another addition I would title my how time flies, I am lying here thinking about how fast the last six months has gone. It brings tears to my eyes thinking about how fast things change and how much I feel I miss with my busy life.

So, to my baby girl Clair Vonita Cummings, I love you with all my heart. Your smile lights up my world in your giggles are the highlight of every day! I love you so much and I'm having so fun watching you grow. I know you'll be running around your brother and sister in no time at all. 

To my grown up self, I can't remember the details of the day she was born already. I only know each day is a struggle to sit back and find joy in things. I pray that we find a way to change life so I can enjoy every moment with my kids. But, if we don't, I still need to remember the joy. 

This evening I spent time anything Clair and eat him her reach for the water as smile at the joy of her bath. She's so innocent. I love watching them a learn. We then took some photos. She loved picking up a little purple block that said she was six. She rolled around with her soft little Rollie body. She smiled and made me smile. Then, I put her into the dress Ellie wore for her one year old pictures and took a few shots. She was tired. We tried to read, but she had an Daley bottle and is sound asleep in her crib already. A short night for my baby who's halfway to one.