Big girl helper

Ellie is ready to do grown-up things. She's probably ready to do more grown-up things that I am willing to let her. Since granny has been here, I have noticed her getting to try things. For example cracking an egg and, or driving her own hair. I know that it is good that granny is giving Ellie change to try these new things. I need to look for opportunities as well.

Over the past week I have asked Ellie to help me get clear bottles a few times. She has jumped at the opportunity, and denigrate job.

Sleeping arrangements that doctors don't approve of

Clair is surely spoiled. I like cuddling her, and haven't put a lot of effort in getting her into a bed or cradle. Below is a picture of how we often sleep at least during part of the day or night. She likes it and quite honestly I like it I love these cuddle moments. Thanks David for taking a picture so will help me remember.

No more newborn sized diapers

Claire is finally growing, and this means we are moving out of newborn diapers. It's one of many Changes that will occur which signal the end of my mothering. I guess it's not really the end of mothering, it's the shift of mothering older children. I am so sad to know I will never have another newborn baby. So each one of these little changes sticks with me for a bit. It feels like a strange little milestone worth noting.

I am sitting here nursing Clair and I know there's many many years of mothering babies left in my life. These little special moments, feel hard to hold onto. I will surely miss them.

Lazy postpartum days

Hazel has afforded me the opportunity to have many lazy postpartum days with Clair. Wednesday's are specially nice with the kids at Sarah I don't veneers guilty taking advantage of the time. Today Clarin I have done nothing more than address the feed sleep and repeat. She has Chessmaster selflessly as much as to have a couple of milk in her little hand has she let go and stop  nursing. Unfortunately I wiped that up before taking the photo below. 

She will be one month old tomorrow. Time sure flies. I love this time with her. I will miss it for sure, and I will enjoy watching her grow into a young lady.

Max feels so big

One of the big things I worried about with having the baby was how my relationship with Max would change. He was my baby until April 23. How he is my middle child. It's amazing how overnight he went from looking like my baby to looking like a big boy. Every day he shows me what a big boy he is. But he is also clinging togrannie  have that feeling of security of being the baby as well. He asks to be held by her hundreds of times a day.

It does make me a little sad to know this change happen. I am trying to fight it, but it is the natural evolution of things. Last night when I went down to see him running around at the park with the big kids it became quite evident he really is a big boy and not a baby anymore. I love this little picture of him sweaty self running around chasing a bunny.

Snuffalufugus

Poor Clair has caught her first cold. She's quite stuffy. She's choked feeding a few times. I hate when they get colds when there so little. It seems so painful. I guess this is one of good things about knowing she's my last child. I won't have to watch a newborn suffer until one of mine becomes a mommy or daddy. Hopefully that's a long way off for them.

Grannie projects

This morning Max and Ellie are downstairs with Grannie spread out on the floor with many cardboard boxes and scissors. They also have toilet paper rolls, paper towel rolls, and paper plates. They're trying to construct their very own castle. That they will painted. Ellie is in her glory. Grannie is a patient, brave woman.

Weight gain struggle

Clair is not gaining weight the way that she should, according to the doctors. Although she is alert, and seems to have everything else in order. I thought our nursing process is going well. But it must not be. It's makes me sad. But I may have to resort to bottlefeeding to a sure she gains which meet the gain. 

Today I am pumping and measuring exactly what I feed her. It seems when she takes a good 3 ounces, that she is not fussy and is able to enjoy being awake. This is a good thing, and I need to be thankful for that. Although, I do see this as the beginning of the end of nursing. Pumping is no fun. I want her to get the nutrients, but at the expense of the time it takes away from the rest of the family I don't think it's worth it.

To know I will never nurser baby again is a sad thing. But I need to do it best for Clair. Things rarely turn out as I envision them. At 36 I am finally starting to accept that, sometimes. Stay tuned

Clair's purr

Sometimes, when Claire is sleeping especially peacefully, she makes a happy  sound.  The sound is like a quiet humm. When she makes this happy sound under her breath, there's also a little bit of rumbling chest. I had Granny feeling yesterday. She says, "it's almost like a cat purring. " I like that description a lot.

I really do love when Claire makes the sound. I know she's happy and content. It's a sweet, sweet feeling as mom. 

These are the little things about being a mom that are so wonderful, and things I hope I never forget. But I write these down, because I fear that I will forget them. It's a good day to be a mom. I'm so blessed with my three children.

Struggle for balance

I have spent most of my time since Clair's birth caring for her and me. Max and Ellie have been well cared for by daddy and Grannie. While I'm great full for the time with Clair and the help with Max and Ellie, I feel like I haven't been there for them the way I should. Finding the right balance isn't easy and I suspect I'll struggle for the next twenty years with kids, work, husband, and trying to do anything for me. I'm not sure how people do it. My hope is that I find a balance that doesn't damage my family and keeps me sane. This will surely require Gods lead. Hopefully Ivan follow. 

Right now Clair is in her cradle and can't seem to settle. I suspect I'll pull her into my arms again to sleep this means less then ideal sleep, but sleep at least. Here's to finding balance. 

Snuggles and cuddles

Clair loves sniffling up to me. I have to admit, I welcome her cuddles most of the time. The funny thing to me is that her favorite place to sleep is right up under my armpit. I guess it's close to the source. :)

Clair's first bath

Clair got clearance to have her bath today at the doctor's. So tonight, I put her into her little tub for the first time. She was so peaceful. Her first reaction was to slink down into the water and try to sleep. She really enjoyed it right up until I started to clean her. She wasn't too keen on that, but relaxed after a minute or two. She was pretty good while I washed her hair. We only hung out in there for about five minutes or so, but overall, it was a success.

I love little Clair Bear!

Play time

Tonight all three kids laid together to play with Clair's little toy. It was cute. Clair mostly enjoyed laying close and looking in Ellie's eyes. Ellie loved that! Meanwhile, Max mostly enjoyed making the sounds - jingling the bells and trying to be the one to push the music button.

I have a picture of Ellie doing this with Max when he was Clair's age. It's cute seeing the 3 of them together. I see years of fun ahead for the three of them!

Ellie takes on big sister role like a champ

Ellie has been fantastic since we brought Clair home. She is a fantastic helper and she just loves Clair so much. She's very good at holding Clair. This morning she held her while I dressed Max.

Ellie clearly loves Clair. I'm so excited to watch their relationship grow!

Burping Clair

Last week sometime I was burping Claire, and it was the first time Max had seen that. He looks at me with concern on his face and says, "you hitting her? "

I laughed tried to explain what patting and burping are. He seemed okay with it. But he's got his eyes on me to protect his little sister.

The first week

I'm sitting here nursing Clair. I'm amazed by her. She is so little, fragile, innocent, beautiful, and just looks like sweetness. Her smell is delectable; the best in the world. My favorite thing is kissing her soft little cheeks! She amazes me.

After having two others, I'm still amazed by her being and helplessness. I can't believe she's mine. I can't believe anyone could ever neglect or harm anything half as sweet and lovely. I'm blessed by my family, especially my children.

I love taking photos of the little positions she strikes between nursing and when nursing. Quite often one hand finds itself holding up or resting on the side of her head as she falls asleep nursing. This makes her look a bit older and wiser for her age.

This week has been an amazing roller coaster and I'm do thankful to be where I am. I'm thankful and grateful and amazed!

Mommys boss

Clair is Mommys boss. That was what everyone decided last night. It is rather true these days. When she's ready to eat, I'm all hers. She cries, I get her. She wants to sleep in my bed, okay. Why not

I'm trying to thoroughly enjoy my last go round as mom of an infant. Hopefully I'm not doing this at the expense of Max and Ellie.

I've even bought a sling to keep her close and happy. She loves it! Yesterday we even figured out how for her to nurse and sleep in it. She was a happy girl.

Growing before my eyes

I've spent most of the past week with Clair, night and day. I miss Max and Ellie. And I feel I need this time with Clair. I can't help but be sad as I know it's really the last time in my life I'll hold a newborn, feed a newborn with my body, and provide comfort to a newborn that no other sole on earth besides mom can provide. This sense and ability to mother is the one thing I've dreamed of all my life. I'm so thankful for the opportunity to fulfill this dream. I love all my kids. I think Clair's going to be a little spoiled.

Today Clair is 8 days old. While that is still very young, I'm already seeing her grow. Today she seemed more awake and aware. She was nursing for long periods and then sleeping on her own. She looks more wise to the world too. She looked like her daddy here. This is the first time I've seen a resemblance to others in the family.

As she grows, I want to capture everything. One thing I love is the way she holds one of my fingers while she nurses. It's adorable. Look at those little fingers.